Pushing through it...

A good friend of mine once told me, "You've gotta push through it until you get to it." Those words ring through my mind daily.

It's been about a month since I last wrote. I've sat down several times during these past weeks to write but after staring blankly at the monitor for several minutes decided each time that I really had nothing to say that would come out right. I've been thinking a lot lately and there's been a lot going around in my head about my goals, my life, and what I've been doing lately.

So one of my problems was solved last month. If you recall my contract was coming to an end and I had to find a job before August. Well I was applying for weeks and hearing nothing in return. Then one day a good friend that I used to work with emailed me and said, "We're hiring... send me your resume." Only days later I was offered a new job.

Now I'm not sure if the irony of this will amuse you as much as it does me but looking at the big picture it only affirms the fact that God has a sense of humor. The beginning of last month I began working as a collector for a mortgage company. So basically, I spend my entire day on the phone asking people to pay their bill. People like me who are struggling, some who have become ill, lost a spouse, lost a job, and a few that just fall a little short in making wise decisions in life. People who like me are trying desperately to tackle the elephants in their life. So as I sit on the phone getting yelled at and cursed for the job I do, I imagine God looking lovingly down upon me and maybe chuckling a little and I remind myself that all things happen for a reason.

I asked for a door to open and it did. I asked for more income and I got it, but like all good things in life it comes with a price and I am finding that this job not only consumes a great deal of my time but that it is also more than a little draining at times. A couple of my friends have called to let me know how much they hate it because they have hardly heard or seen me in weeks and have asked me if it is really worth it. So I say, please take a moment and look back at this blog from the beginning and my goal, and then ask me again. In all honesty I have to say yes. Tired or not with less time for me, I have the potential to make at this job more than half as much more than I was making. Not to mention that it came to me at exactly the right time in a way that answered me so clearly. So for the time being I plan on sticking at it. At least for a while. I realize it's taking me in a slightly different direction than I was thinking but that direction is what I have been praying for all along.

But I was getting so good as making use of my down time! And I had so much planned... My time from some of the things I love has been lessened, time with friends is now shorter and further between and I've had to put some things on hold that I really want to pursue and spend time on, but I am ok with that. At least for now because I know that there is a plan and that plan is to put me in a place where I am better able to accomplish all of these things. Those who know me well understand and those who know what's in my heart and how I want give of myself know that this is a temporary moment to get me there.

I find it funny that while at work I find myself thinking of what part I'm playing in others lives as I'm speaking to them on the phone. Basically, my main goal and purpose is to collect money, reach a goal, and make both the company I'm working for and myself money. I have had some pretty intense conversations with some customers recently that has really made me think of how I can both achieve my goals in this position and be of some influence to others out there. Some of these people are in the struggle of their lives and although some of them could care less, there are those who you know are at a point of desperation. I am waiting for the day that I get pulled aside for offering some of my "push through it" advice and sharing with them my own struggles. I find myself more and more silently praying for those on the other end of the line. One guy asked me, "Are you going to get in trouble for sharing your personal financial life with me?" I told him that if I did I'd deal with it. It is after all my job to keep people from foreclosing right and doesn't that in fact bring money back into the company?

It's scary that there are so many people out there that think, I'll just let my home foreclose. Little do they realized though is how long it's going follow them, along with bankruptcy, and even just letting themselves fall a month or two behind. The priorities of Americans are so screwed up it's not funny. It is coming more and more apparent to me that there are so many of us out there that are just so afraid to say no. No, I can't go out to eat tonight. No, I can't buy you that. No, you don't need a brand new "whatever" right now. No, I can't commit to that right now because I need to focus on getting my life squared away. So each day that I go to work I not only sit there thinking call after call of the moment that I can just quit talking and go home, I also remind myself constantly that there is a goal that I am trying to reach. Not just a personal goal but a goal that will not only me benefit me but also my daughter and maybe even someone else that I might in someway reach either through my work or through those things that are laid out ahead of me.

So for now I am pushing through it. I'm not thrilled with what I do. It's not my dream job. I miss my friends. I miss having fun and laughing and there are projects that I have planned but I know that this is not the time for. That time will come though for those things and when it does I will be in a much better place, more prepared and with a mindset that is free from the things that have been weighing on me for too long now.

So I am thankful for this time even though I am working up to 56 hours a week, and only getting one full weekend off a month. I am also thankful for those who truly understand what this means to me and support me. Well, I hope to write more soon. In a couple weeks my daughter will be back at school and I plan to get more focused on some things. I've got a good feeling and am hopeful so we'll see what happens. Only time will tell.

Thing to remember: Push through it until you get to it!