Well to start off I am no longer working as a collector. Just to summarize I had taken that job because my contract was coming to an end and was offered the collections position which promised more money and the hope of paying my debt down and getting ahead. How miserably that plan went down hill. More money, less time, and a ton of stress that was taking it's toll on me both mentally and physically led me to search for something better, which is a whole other storey. This whole searching thing though, seems to have become the plot of my life story as with most I am sure. We are always searching for something better it seems. I did however find something better. I am currently working at a restoration company helping people to rebuild their lives after tragedy strikes their homes. It could be a fire, flood, tornado, you name it. We help rebuild, restore and bring back to them a part of their life and hopefully a sense of peace and familiar comfort they once had before. I can honestly say that it is a rewarding job and I love the people I work with. It is rare to find companies that truly wants to serve a purpose and people, and it makes waking up and going to work not a chore but a mission. The problem for me once again though is that I am back to the struggle bus that I was once on before. Trying to make ends meet on a minimal, very minimal, income. Can we ever find balance? Is there ever a place we can settle for comfortably in between provision and fulfillment? I am beginning to wonder.
So in any case here I am once again and this blog and my goal, although I have not written in some time has been on my mind daily. I guess I put off writing because I felt that once again I had failed so miserably. I know, did I really fail? In some ways I would have to say yes and in other ways I know I have only grown for the better. It's so hard for me though not to focus on the failure part. First of all I did not accomplish what I wanted in the the 365 days. Second, I thought that more money would mean success. And most of all I feel as though I haven't progressed or furthered myself in my ability to provide or move into a place of stability and peace financially. I now have a few thousand in medical bills added on to my debt, several loans towards my daughter's education, a friend that I owe money to for helping me buy a vehicle which turned out to be a lemon, and a new car payment. So now I am asking myself how can I get out of this? I couldn't do it before how will I do it now? I am at a point of starting over once again. It seems like a never ending circle and one that seems to have no chance of changing. The only thing I see that I can do is to reevaluate my thinking, my planning, my budgeting, my self esteem, my wants, my needs, and the path before me.
This post is my first step back to what I fell away from. It's my pick yourself up and move on reminder. I am reminding myself of the journey and not so much the destination although I know I must keep that in my mind at all times. At the same time I must always remind myself that it is a process, a journey, a lesson and its all about what I put into it. It's about what I'm learning and how I will use that moving forward. I am turning 40 this year and along with taking care of myself, healing myself, growing, loving and putting people I cherish at the top of the list I am seeing this as a time to be brave and put forth my best effort to make things happen.
As of today I am renaming this blog to, My Journey to Tackle the Elephant. I am going to start right where I left off, I am going to move forward and use the best of what's in me to do what I can, with what I have, at this moment. Let's get back to it and let faith lead the way.
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
